Cyanide & Happiness: Freakpocalypse Trophy Guide & Road Map

Cyanide & Happiness: Freakpocalypse
Cyanide & Happiness: Freakpocalypse Trophy Guide

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If you have any questions or comments, please visit the discussion thread

Overview:

Estimated trophy difficulty: 2.5/10 (personal estimate) (poll)
Offline trophies: 56 (48, 5, 2, 1)
Online trophies: 0
Approximate amount of time to Platinum: 3-5hrs with walkthrough (personal estimate) (poll)
Minimum number of playthroughs: 2
Number of missable trophies: About half of the list. If it's not marked as story-related, then it's missable.
Glitched trophies: 0
Does difficulty affect trophies?: No

Introduction:

Cyanide & Happiness: Freakpocalypse is the first in a planned trilogy of point and click adventure games inspired by the long-running webcomic Cyanide & Happiness. You play as Coop McCarthy, a perennial loser of a high school student who just wants to find a date for the prom. Episode 1 covers two incredibly busy and bizarre days of his life. I have written a walkthrough here: LINK

Walkthrough:

Step 0: Make note of the highly missable trophies

While about half of the trophy list consists of missable trophies, they can generally be unlocked at any point in the first 3/4 of the game but there are, however, a few highly missable trophies you need to read up on before starting, if you're not going to follow my walkthrough, in order to save yourself multiple playthroughs.

Those trophies:

Burned By Bernie
Desperate Times
Gotta Got 'Em All
Project Runway
The World Can Wait
The Most Beautiful Thing I've Ever Seen

Step 1: Play through the game until the point of no return and getting all missable trophies

Simply play through the game. Your journal will give you a break down of what main quests you need to do, as well as keep track of your fashion collectibles and any side quests you may have started. Keep in mind the highly missable trophies listed in Step 0.

The game will point out the point of no return but just in case: it's after you deliver an envelope of photos in the Golden Haze Retirement Home and are then tasked to get some pills from the man sleeping in the lounge.

By the end of this step, you will have earned the story-related trophies:

Participation Award
Not So Permanent After All
Hurt Me More!
Hoochaholic
Distraction With Action and/or Distraction With Attraction

(mutually exclusive but can be easily unlocked by saving and reloading)
Rope-A-Dope
Guerilla Marketer
Locker Blocker
About Damn Time
Ready For Rod
Printer Pal
My Girl
Hobo Habitat
Operation Intrude N313
Send Nudes

...and the missable ones (listed in the order they'll unlock via my walkthrough):

Perma Peeper
Locker Stalker
Judge A Book By Its Cover
Pummeling Puffs
Scarred For Life
Huff The Magic Dragon
Every Town Has An Elm Street
Third Wheel
Creepy Peepy Boy
Coming Clean
Don't Slurp That
Get To Know Shark Dad
Blue Brailles
Chill Out
Your Lemons Suck
Marriage Counselor
Chick'n Coop
Survivalist
Burned By Bernie
A Bushy Tale
Desperate Times
Puny Express
The World Can Wait
Back In My Day
Lost Prophet
Jeremiah 29:12
Gotta Got 'Em All
Project Runway
Freaky Flasher

Step 2: Finish the Game

Once you're certain you've unlocked all the trophies above - especially the highly missable ones from Step 0 (though one of them will be unlocked here) - finish the game. Except for the highly missable trophy, the rest of the trophies are story-related.

By the end of this step, you will unlock (in order):

Juvenile Delinquent
Mission Permission
The Most Beautiful Thing I've Ever Seen (this is the highly missable one for this step!)
Look Ma, I Can Fly!
Blue Shirted Eye Grabber
Mission Impassable
Eye For Detail
A Long Road Ahead

Step 3: Speedrun

You'd be amazed at how much of this game is optional. For this trophy, you need to finish the game in a single sitting, without pausing, in under 30 minutes. I wrote a Speedrun Walkthrough that will get you through in about 20 minutes so there's some wiggle room.

By the end of this step, you will have earned the following:

Speed Demon
Platinum

Platinum

Platinum
Congratulations! Now go check out the web comic!
About Damn Time

Return the overdue book to the Librarian
Story-related and cannot be missed.

The overdue book is located under a desk in shop class. Once you rig up a pulley system to raise the desk, pick up the book and return it to the Librarian.
A Bushy Tale

Listen to the Bush's tragic story
In the courtyard of Golden Haze Retirement Home, interact with the bush in the back right corner a few times and it will tell you a story, unlocking this trophy. You will also receive items required for Project Runway .
A Long Road Ahead

Complete Part 1
Story-related and cannot be missed.

You will unlock this after opening the secret door in the secret lab.
Back In My Day

Listen to all of Grandpa TieGuy's stories
In Golden Haze Retirement Home, you will come across a hallway with three doors. The left-most door is Grandpa TieGuy's room. Talk to him a few times and you'll unlock this trophy.
Blue Brailles

Deliver porn to Stevie Shades
In Knothole Street, you will find the Circle J. Outside of the Circle J is a dumpster and some garbage bags, against which is a purple magazine. Pick it up to obtain the braille magazine. In Trinity Boulevard, outside of the bank, you will find Stevie Shades. He will ask you to bring him porn so give him the magazine for this trophy.

This is a sidequest required for The World Can Wait .
Blue Shirted Eye Grabber

Acquire the lab technician's eyeball
Story-related and cannot be missed.

When you first enter the Secret Lab at the end of the game, on the ground directly to the left will be a detatched eyeball. Simply pick it up for this trophy.
Burned By Bernie

Listen to every one of Bernie's "Prune Swirl" insults
To enter the Golden Haze Retirement Home, you will need to sneak in from the loading docks via a table of prune juices. Doing so will cover you in prune juice. Before washing it off, make your way to Bernie's room and continue to talk to him until this trophy pops. Bernie's insults are down to RNG so this trophy may take a while but I think he has about a dozen.

There are mixed reports as to whether this must be done the first time you have the prunes on you (AKA when you are unable to change costumes) or if you can put on the prune costume parts later and do it. Just to be safe, I would do this before washing off.
Chick'n Coop

Get credit card signature from Mothercluck'n Chick'n customer
In Trinity Boulevard, you will find a Chickenman holding an advertising sign. Speak with him to obtain his delivery subquest. You need to make your way to the pink house on Knothole Street, with the man sitting on the porch. Give him the chicken and navigate the philosophical conversation that follows and he will sign the credit card slip, unlocking this trophy. This is a subquest required for The World Can Wait . Make sure you return the credit card slip to the Chickenman, to get items required for Project Runway .
Chill Out

Learn about 10 different ice cream flavors from Dr. Scoops
There is an ice cream vendor In Trinity Street so speak to him around a dozen times to learn all of the flavors and unlock this trophy.
Creepy Peepy Boy

Gain access to the girl's locker room.
As the result of a side quest (see Third Wheel ), you will obtain the Towel fashion item. Equip it, then enter the girl's locker room, via the gymnasium.
Desperate Times

Ask every person you possibly can out to prom
There are 26 people who can be asked to prom. The majority can be asked prior to ending the first day of the game (i.e. for about 80% of the game) but a few are time-sensitive. I have broken them down by area.

SCHOOL:

Time Sensitive:
Starsky and Hutch (Faculty Office - MUST do this BEFORE making them a distraction!)
Drug Dealer (outside School Entrance - MUST do this BEFORE taking on his side quest!)

Whenever:
Marker Huffer (Top Hallway)
Mr Murphy (Room 101)
Crystal (Girl's Bathroom)
Winston (Boy's Locker Room)
Tanner (Boy's Locker Room)
Hayden (Boy's Locker Room)
Ms Puffs (Teacher's Lounge)
Ed Spresso (Teacher's Lounge)
School Nurse (Nurse's Office)
Artist (Lower Hallway)
Ted (Kickstarter Locker Hallway [green lockers])
Max (Shop Class)
Janitor (Cafeteria)
Lunch Lady (Cafeteria)
Vince (Cafeteria)
Chef (Cafeteria - Kitchen)
Warren Wonderwall (outside School Entrance)

TOWN:

Time Sensitive:
Janitor's Ex-Wife (Le Telepathe - You must do this before ruining her date!)

Whenever:
Curt (Circle J)
Shark Dad (Knothole Street)
Lemon Abe (Trinity Boulevard)

GOLDEN HAZE RETIREMENT HOME:

Whenever:
Orson (Reception)
Alvin (Lounge)
Ethel (Dining Room)
Die Of Boredom

Stand in one location without moving for 30 minutes
Just what it says on the tin. Put the controller down for 30 minutes and this trophy is yours.
Distraction With Action

Distract Patty by making Starsky & Hutch get into a fight
Story Related but MISSABLE

This trophy is mutually exclusive with Distraction With Attraction .

Once you've obtained a hall pass and spoken with Sawyer, Starsky and Hutch will show up in the Faculty Offices off of the Top Hallway. Speak with them and say "You guys should honestly just get over it" to unlock this trophy.
Distraction With Attraction

Distract Patty by making Starsky & Hutch fall in love
Story Related but MISSABLE

This trophy is mutually exclusive with Distraction With Action .

Once you've obtained a hall pass and spoken with Sawyer, Starsky and Hutch will show up in the Faculty Offices off of the Top Hallway. Speak with them and say "You obviously hate each other. Why do you even hang out?" to unlock this trophy.
Don't Slurp That

Give a condom to a boy in need
On Knothole Street, speak with the man standing in front of the sign to the gas station. He will ask you to buy him condoms, then give you money to do so but it's not enough so you'll have to be sneaky. Inside Circle J, pick up the yellow box of condoms and make a slurper using the machine. Once you have both in your inventory, combine them and you will hide the box of condoms in the cup. Proceed to purchase the slurper,and take it outside to the man at the gas station sign. Give him the cup with the condoms inside for this trophy. This is a side quest required for The World Can Wait .
Every Town Has An Elm Street

Find a nightmarish costume
In the boiler room of the school, off the Top Hallway, you will find the janitor's keys. On the wall above them you will find some tools - including Freddy Kruger's familiar hand. Click on it for this trophy. This is also a fashion item required for Project Runway .
Eye For Detail

Use the retinal scanner in the Secret Lab
Story-related and cannot be missed.

Using the eyeball you obtained for Blue Shirted Eye Grabber , use the retinal scanner in the secret lab to open up a secret door and unlock this trophy.
Get To Know Shark Dad

Have a conversation with Shark Dad.
At the end of Knothole Street is a house with a shark man standing outside of it. Speak with him and ask, "Out of curiosity...where are you from?" to unlock this very easy trophy.
Gotta Got 'Em All

Insult every object you can with your "Got 'ems"
Basically: find all the punny dialogue. The majority of them are unlocked by talking to the item but a few are obtained by using the hand icon instead (in my walkthrough, I say "click"). A few also require multiple interactions before the pun appears. There are 40 in all:

SCHOOL:

FACULTY OFFICE
Cactus
Middle Ceiling Light

HISTORY CLASS
Trash can
Bookshelf

SCIENCE LAB
Box of vials

BOY'S BATHROOM
Empty urinal (x2)

KICKSTARTER LOCKERS
Cork board on right wall

SHOP CLASS
Blowtorch on table at bottom of screen

LIBRARY
Books on non-fiction shelf
Non-fiction sign

BOILER ROOM
Rag on floor

GYM
Bleachers at bottom of screen
Netherton Narwhals banner

TOWN

CIRCLE J
Cup lids
Cabinet doors under slurper machine
Magazine rack (not the actual magazines)
Sign right of pink box on counter (click)
Energy drinks on counter (click)

GAS STATION
Wrenches
Pile of tires
Leaf blowers

SHARK DAD'S HOUSE
Garden hose

WHITE SANDS ROAD
Crosswalk at the bottom of the hill

TRINITY BOULEVARD
Fire hydrant

COOP'S HOUSE
Shoe box on Coop's desk (2F)
Bench in Grandma's room (2F)
Coat stand (not the clothing on it) (1F)
Dirty green messenger bag (Garage)
Freezer (Kitchen) (click)
Ladder behind filing cabinet (Attic)
Box of dolls (Attic)
Spigot the hose is attached to (Backyard)

GOLDEN HAZE RETIREMENT HOME

Electric Wheelchair Storage sign (Loading Dock hallways)
Circular tree with white cones on it (Courtyard)
Cork board on back wall (Nurse's Station)
TV plug (Dining Hall)
Corkboard on wall (not the stuff on it) (Reception)
Orange pill container (Grandpa TieGuy's Room)
Toilet (Bernie's Room)
Bed (Bernie's Room)
Guerilla Marketer

Post all three of Sawyer's flyers
Story-related and cannot be missed.

After obtaining the hall pass and showing it to the hall monitor so you can access the rest of the school, you will automatically have a conversation with Sawyer and be tasked with hanging up flyers. First you need to print them - you will do this in the Faculty Offices. Put the fliers on the boards in the Top Hallway, Lower Hallway and Cafeteria. Once you've done that, return to Sawyer then the trophy will pop.
Hobo Habitat

Give Hobo Moe a new home
Story-related and cannot be missed.

Through story progression, you will end up with an empty pizza box in your inventory. When you're ready to enter the Golden Haze Retirement Home, give the empty pizza box to the man blocking the gate and you'll unlock this trophy.
Hoochaholic

Deliver all the supplies for making fine toilet wine
Story-related and cannot be missed.

You will unlock this trophy after delivering the items to the cool kids in the boy's bathroom in exchange for the required hall pass.
Huff The Magic Dragon

Give Mark Hufferman a new marker
As a result of the Scarred For Life sidequest, you will be in possession of a marker. Give it to Mark in the Top Hallway to unlock this trophy.
Hurt Me More!

Catch Mr. Murphy in his S&M outfit
Story-related and cannot be missed.

After speaking to the principal at the beginning of the game, go back into Mr Murphy's classroom (required for a story item) and you will catch him.
Jeremiah 29:12

Convince someone that you're God
In the Golden Haze Retirement Home, in the right-most resident room, is Magdalene. Speak with her and say "Fine, I command thee to do my bidding!" and you'll unlock this trophy.
Judge A Book By Its Cover

Learn about 30 different library book titles
In the school library are several shelves of books. Look at each shelf until the titles start repeating, then move to a different shelf. This trophy will take 3 or 4 shelves to unlock.
Juvenile Delinquent

Get arrested
Story-related and cannot be missed.

After giving nude photos to Bernie in the Golden Haze Retirement Home, you will be tasked to get some pills. Go to the sleeping man in the lounge area and grab him - the game will prompt you that doing this is a point of no return. Check to make sure you've unlocked the majority of the list - most importantly, the game-spanning Project Runway , The World Can Wait , Gotta Got 'Em All and Desperate Times . Once you have grabbed the man's pills, a cutscene will play, after which the trophy will unlock.
Locker Blocker

Get access to your locker
Story-related and cannot be missed.

In the Top Hallway, a kissing couple is blocking Coop's locker. Speak with them and say "You know...this is actually starting to turn me on" to get them to move, then open the locker with a pencil (obtained from Mr Murphy's classroom) to unlock this trophy.
Locker Stalker

Open every Kickstarter Backer locker in the school
In the school are two hallways filled with nothing but lockers. You will need to open every single one for this trophy. While doing so, you will encounter Ted. This makes up one instance required for Survivalist .
Look Ma, I Can Fly!

Perform an aerial escape to avoid the bullies
Story-related and cannot be missed.

After unlocking Mission Permission , grab the flypaper from the pink house on Knothole Street (if you haven't already) and head to the gas station. There you will see a plastic bag floating in the wind. Make sure you unlock The Most Beautiful Thing I've Ever Seen before continuing! When you're ready to continue, use the flypaper with the plastic bag to grab it, then use the plastic bag on the nearby leaf blowers.
Lost Prophet

Find every Jesus
There are 3 Jesus pictures but you must speak to them for this trophy.

1 is in Coop's House, in the 2F Hallway and two are in Golden Haze Retirement Home:

- One is in one of the small hallways just off of the loading docks
- One is in Magdalene's room
Marriage Counselor

Help the Janitor by ruining Beverly's date
While you're in the school, make your way to the Cafeteria and talk to the Janitor. Ask him to prom (which you'll do anyways for Desperate Times ) to get his side quest. Later on in the game, you'll gain access to Trinity Boulevard. Enter Le Telepathe restaurant and speak with the unhappy blonde woman. Make sure you ask her to prom (for Desperate Times ) before continuing! When you're ready, pick up the crumpled up paper in front of the kitchen door, then use it with the order window. This will ruin the woman's date. When you leave the restaurant afterwards, the Janitor will be cleaning in front of the restaurant. Speak with him for this trophy. This is a side quest required for The World Can Wait .
Mission Impassable

Reveal hidden lasers in the Secret Lab
Story-related and cannot be missed.

In the secret lab, grab the books holding up the shelves to send a pair of erasers crashing to the floor. Pick them up and use them with the arched doorway to reveal the lasers.
Mission Permission

Forge a signature on the permission slip
Story-related and cannot be missed.

After being arrested at Golden Haze Retirement Home, some bullies will show up. Go to the garage in Coop's house with the permission slip you got from school, a pen (in Coop's room) and a signed check (in living room). Combine these three items on the table in the garage to obtain a forged permission slip and this trophy.
My Girl

Get rid of the wasp nest
Story-related and cannot be missed.

After fixing the printer, Grandma will ask Coop to get rid of a wasp's nest. Ask her how you are even meant to pick up the wasp's nest to actually start the quest. Make sure you have a pack of fireworks (found in the attic) and a pack of matches (found in the dining room). Go to the backyard (via the kitchen) and pick up the oven mitts. On the nearby BBQ grill, light the fireworks to smoke the wasps out, then climb the nearby ladder. Use the oven mitts to move the wasp nest and unlock this trophy.
Not So Permanent After All

Alter your permanent record
Story-related and cannot be missed.

While in the prinicpal's office, he will take a distracting phone call. Pick up the white out from the bookshelf on the left and use it on the permanent record that he conveniently left on his desk.
Operation Intrude N313

Sneak into Golden Haze
Story-related and cannot be missed.

After taking care of Moe (Hobo Habitat ) walk into the gate of Golden Haze and walk left around to the back of the building. Click the cart with all the prunes on it to hide, then you will be wheeled inside.
Participation Award

Here you go! You deserve it! Everyone deserves it!
Story-related and cannot be missed.

This will unlockafter completing the Tutorial stage.
Printer Pal

Fix Grandma's printer
Story-related and cannot be missed.

After regaining control in Coop's house, speak with Grandma and offer to help her. She will ask you to fix her printer. Duck into the kitchen and grab the green fruit snack from the fridge, then return upstairs and grab Grandma's cane from her bedroom. Use the cane to open the attic door. Once in the attic, walk right until you come across some sparking wires. Use the fruit snack to mend the wires and unlock this trophy.
Project Runway

Collect every costume
There are 69 costume items throughout the whole game. I have listed them all in my walkthrough or you can follow this video guide by Game Guides Channel.

Important Note!: This Guide was made before the final clothing item was patched in! It does not cover the Hawaiian Shirt - which is located in Coop's House - Attic, in a box on the chair next to the filing cabinet.
Pummeling Puffs

Trick Patty into believing Ms. Puffs stole her lunch, then witness the beatdown
While in the school, make your way to the Teacher's Lounge and open the fridge. Inside is someone's lunch - including a sticker. Pick up the sticker and take it back to the Faculty Office in the Top Hallway. Give the sticker to Patty to send her tearing off to beat up Ms Puffs.

Despite what the trophy description says, you don't actually have to watch the beatdown to unlock this trophy (at least, as of the writing of this Guide). If simply handing Patty the sticker doesn't unlock the trophy, then go back to the Teacher's Lounge to actually watch the carnage.
Puny Express

Mail out Gertie's scathing letter
As a result of the Blue Brailles side quest, you will be in possession of a stamp. When in Golden Haze Retirement Home, speak with Gertie in the Lounge, then offer your help. Go back to Reception and press the red button on the dead guy - this will get the nurse out of the Nurse's Station. While she's busy with the dead guy, sneak into the Nurse's Station and grab the purse hanging on the wall - you will take the letter from the purse. Combine it with the stamp. Once you have a complete letter, leave the Retirement Home and mail the letter in the mailbox near the bank on Trinity Boulevard.

This is a sidquest required for The World Can Wait .
Ready For Rod

Get a free pizza from Rod's Thick Pizza
Story-related and cannot be missed.

After returning the book to the Librarian (About Damn Time ), she will give you a coupon for a free pizza and you will be able to leave the school. Make your way across Knothole Road and up to Trinity Boulevard. Enter Rod's Thick Pizza on Trinity Boulevard.

Speak with Rod and tell him that you just so happen to have a coupon. He will give you a pizza and this trophy.
Rope-A-Dope

Retrieve the rope in the school gymnasium
Story-related and cannot be missed.

Simply use the green box cutter (found in shop class) to cut down the climbing rope in the gymnasium, then pick it up.
Scarred For Life

Give Drug Dealer some scar cream
Important: If you still need Desperate Times , make sure you talk to the drug dealer outside of the school before starting this quest!

In the Top Hallway, speak with the guy standing next to the Faculty Office and ask him, "So, where exactly in the school would one “score” the good sniff markers?", then go outside and talk to the drug dealer to start this sidequest. Make your way to the Nurse's Office and speak to her, telling her that you have a specific injury "...down there..." to get some scar cream. Take the cream to the drug dealer for a marker and this trophy. Make sure you take the marker to the guy in the Top Hallway to unlock Huff The Magic Dragon . This is a sidequest required for The World Can Wait .
Send Nudes

Deliver Grandma's racy photos to Bernie
Story-related and cannot be missed.

After unlocking My Girl , speak with Grandma again and she will give you an envelope of photos to deliver to her boyfriend in the Golden Haze Retiremenet Home. Sneak in (Operation Intrude N313 ), clean up and give him the pictures.
Speed Demon

Complete Part 1 in less than 30 minutes without saving
After you've played the game once and are more familiar with it, you can finish it in about 15-20 minutes. For this trophy, you will need to finish the game in one sitting, without pausing. I wrote a speedrun Guide at the end of my walkthrough Supplement.
Survivalist

Find both Ted Bear locations in Part 1
Ted Bear is found in two separate locations:

School - Kickstarter Locker Hallway - in one of the lockers. You will interact with him for other trophies on this list.
Golden Haze Retirement Home - Loading Docks - In the dumpster. Talk to him, then exit the conversation.
The Most Beautiful Thing I've Ever Seen

Stare at a bag blowing in the wind
After unlocking Mission Permission , grab the flypaper from the pink house on Knothole Street (if you haven't already) and head to the gas station. There you will see a plastic bag floating in the wind.
The World Can Wait

Complete all optional sidequests
This unlocks after earning the following trophies:

Blue Brailles
Chick'n Coop
Don't Slurp That
Marriage Counselor
Puny Express
Scarred For Life
Third Wheel
Third Wheel

Return the signed prom letter to Crystal
In the school's girl's bathroom, talk to Crystal to start her sidequest. The boy she wants is in the Cafeteria, near the vending machines. Go into the Cafeteria Kitchen and grab the quarter, then use it with the guy blocking the vending machines. In exchange, you will get some anchovy chips. Give them to Jake, which will cause him to vomit up a love letter. Pick up the love letter, give it to Jake so he'll sign it, then deliver it to Crystal. This is a sidequest required for The World Can Wait .
Your Lemons Suck

Get a pre-order for Lemon Abe's Lemon-Flavored "Lemon" Type Drink
On Trinity Street, you will find Lemon Abe at the lemonade stand. Talk to her and order a glass. She will inform you of a preorder program. Say that you're in, then you'll get a preorder slip and this trophy.
Perma Peeper

Look at every Permanent Record in the Principal's Office
Before leaving the principal's office at the beginning of the game, open up the filing cabinet and look at every file in it.
Freaky Flasher

Remain completely nude for at least 10 minutes.
In the bathroom on Coop's House - 2F, you can obtain the naked costume (click the bathtub) - denoted by a naked body with a black bar across Coop's naughty bits. Once you've done so, equip it for 10 minutes. I can confirm that you can wear whatever hat you want but just to be safe, I wouldn't have anything on your face.
Coming Clean

Find Señor Cleanfist.
Once you've unlocked Third Wheel , you will be given a towel and a towel hat so equip them, then enter the girl's locker room off of the gymnasium (Creepy Peepy Boy ). Once in the locker room, walk left and talk to the person in the shower for this trophy.