Hi there. My name is Scrubs and I have been a member here for about seven and a half years. To many of you now I suspect my name means nothing, I've not been active at all here for probably three or four years. For those of you that do recognise me I doubt that my name leaves a pleasant taste in your mouth, tha'ts unfortunate but I cannot say it surprises me.
I'm 19 years old now which means when I joined I was 12. 12 years old. I wouldn't say I was hugely introverted as a child but I spent more time on this forum than a child should, at the expense of going outside or doing whatever it is 12 year olds "should do".
When I first joined PST (or PS3T as it was known at the time) all I wanted to do was help. I was amazed by the community I found and the effort I saw so many putting in and I wanted to be a part of that, however, I was not particularly good at video games at the time and nor was I particularly eloquent (I was an intelligent lad at this age but at the end of the day I was still only a child). As a result this often came across as naive at best and appeared to be spam at worst.
Anyway, after around two years or so after I first registered here a new site emerged (this is the point of the thread, sorry for the lengthy preamble but it's necessary to truly appreciate this story). A competitor to PS3T. True these already existed (I believe the two I have in mind are now both deceased, but I shan't name them for obvious reasons) but this was a new competitor. What that meant is that new guides needed to be written, it was another opportunity for me to make a difference. By this point I was (almost) 14, so I had matured a fair amount but still, I was very young. Over the next 18 months I would make a difference to this new site, it was horrible. I made some terrible mistakes at first, inexcusable ones. But, I matured a lot more and poured all I had into that site. There were further teething issues, important members of the staff would go missing, get into drama or some form of sabotage would occur. But still I committed, I felt like I was making a difference at the very least, it was something for me to pass the time with. After all, that's what this is all about, we are all PlayStation ethusiasts.
For those 18 months I formed some extremely strong personal connections with people I have never met. Again, I wasn't introverted (not that it's at all a negative thing), especially at this point, but these people meant a lot to me. Then slowly at first, things started to turn sour. Those teething issues I mentioned before? They were supplemented by server outages and a slow growth and then gradually at first the site began to die. Key members of the team began to leave the site. I was crushed. I had contributed so much to this project, made some fantastic friends and done things that I was not proud of (not deliberately) and all of a sudden, within the space of weeks it was gone.
What is the point in me telling you this? I don't really know. As an apology for the disruption I caused? No, too much time has passed, what I did was wrong but I have learnt from it and I believe it to be over now. Closure? Perhaps, I don't need to name the site or any individuals that I interacted with, the ones that I am aware of being around still will no doubt see this. But for some reason, even after all this time, I feel like some of you deserve to know. Again, for what reason I am not sure, this thread is not meant to call out anyone, this site or the competitor which has since burned to the ground. I think what comes close is the sense that you should appreciate what is around, I should have appreciated this site more but equally, I should have appreciated those I met elsewhere. I have not stayed in contact with any of them to a notable level, many of them I have not spoken to since they departed. In a way, I would be interested to know what many of them are up to.
I think I'll wrap this up here. To many of you, this may look like the ramblings of someone you have never heard of, someone who has been here for a while and is now showing up out of the blue. For others, I imagine (unfortunately) it may stir up feelings of resentment which you had forgotten you even felt, many years ago. I'm not even sure whether this thread breaks any rules but I've written it now so I may as well post it.
Disclaimer - Once again this thread was not written to "call out" anyone, perhaps it is best seen as an open letter to the more seasoned of you. Or maybe just some mad ramblings...